Relationships.

They turn you into a monster. Before you jump to all sorts of reasons as to how this could never happen (whether to you or anyone), hear me out. This information is based on observation and experience. I have lost some good friends due to relationships.
This is how it will go down:

1. You become addicted. You may think, "Oh, I would never let this happen," but the truth is, it does. Well why not? You're with the one person that gives you the crazy rush of butterflies in the pit of your stomach every time they look at you. So now you're an addict. Great job Spartacus! Before you know it, you addict, you're willing to sacrifice anything to get your fix.

2. You alienate yourself. You may think, "That's ridiculous, I'm great at balancing friends, family, and significant others," but the truth is, no you aren't anymore. Just give it a couple weeks and the only person you're talking to is your significant other. Whilst in those couple of weeks, your friends are slowly giving up on you. You will receive fewer invites out with your pals. Your closest friend is the last to try to get a hold of you on Week 4 of this relationship. At the start of week five, you will have no friends outside of your relationship.

3. You become possessive. Again? You're going to complain again? Suck it up, of course you're the last person you'd ever think to grow a possessive personality trait. The truth is, now that you're friendless addict, you now become possessive and start to get pissed any time your significant other decides to make plans that don't involve you sometimes.

3a. Now that you're possessive, what comes next? CONTROLLING. These almost go hand in hand because a few days after the possessiveness starts, depending on how desperate you are because there is no one else in your life, you have now upgraded yourself to be a controlling friendless possessive addict. You now try to control where they go, who they're with, and what they do.

4. This isn't worth staying in a relationship anymore, so now your significant other is going to break up with you because you can't stop fighting with each other. It's going to happen, so don't go on to thinking "Oh but we fight all the time, it's what we do." Think about it. Ask yourself, how much are you fighting compared to how many light-hearted conversations you two are having?

5. Of course you're not going to let him/her go, obviously because of what you've become, so you have now reached a point of desperation... "Honey, I can change! I can do better! What can I do to fix this?!" It's too late, stupid! Stop pouring salt into your self inflicted wound and let them go. All this begging makes you look pathetic and more unattractive than you've already become.


You see? In these few easy steps, you have ruined yourself because you decided to be in a relationship. When you look at your--now single--self in the mirror the next day, you can't recognize yourself. You've turned into a monster. Good job.

Cure: Give yourself 8-12 months of Nothing (open to many interpretations) and you'll be back on your feet, ready to conquer the world, and restart this vicious cycle, in no time.

Recommendation: You've got about a 50-50 chance of getting divorced (if you decide to reach the point of marriage, seeing as you only have each other now) anyways. You might as well stay single. It's what's best for you and the people around you. It'll shorten the body count.

I think things like this are beautiful:

How rude of me!

I forgot to write about my latest incident/event/mishap!! I've decided to write a book. It'll be called, "Courtney's Chronicles," or, "The Chronicles of Courtney." I think enough things have happened to me to fill the shoes of a good amusing book. I can't help that these things happen to me!

So.....

It's News Years Eve. I'm with my pal Tim and we're driving to the store to pick up a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough, and juice, for a small social gathering. It is precisely 10:06 p.m. We roll up to an Albertsons to find that it is in fact closed already! The nerve. We call up our friend at her house to inform her of this tragedy. It's now 10:15 p.m. and she calls us back to tell us that, "Food 4 Less is open til 10:30, go go go!!"
"Ah! We're on it!"
Even though Food 4 Less is right down the street, I still needed to drive a little faster than normal. What if they decided to close the store even earlier because all the other customers are too busy to go to the store at this hour on New Years Eve?!
So I'm in the left turn lane, ready to drive like I own the bat mobile, but I can't exactly yet because there's a car already in front of me. Rude. So my next plan is to get in what ever lane they decide not to take. Pretty simple right?
GREEN! --Could they turn any slower?!
As I'm approaching fifty mph, I forget that I can't speed like that because I'm waiting for my renewed license to come in the mail. Just as I finish telling my pal Tim, the red and blue lights of doom are shining behind my vehicle.... The rest goes like this:

"S***! Oh s***! Tim! This can't happen! This can't happen right now! Oh my gosh. S***!"
"Courtney. Calm down. It's going to be okay! It's going to be alright."
My legs are getting tingly now because I've never been pulled over during the five years I've had my license.
I pull into a parking lot, hands are shaking, Tim is still calming me down. The officer comes over while I'm rolling down my not-so-automatic window...
"Hiii officerrr..."
"Have you had anything to drink tonight?"
"No sir."
"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Yes sir, I was speeding."
"You know how fast you were going?"
"Fiftyyy--"
"Fifty-two," as he pointed out on his speed monitor thing.
"Ah, fifty-two. I know I was speeding, I was trying to make it to the store before it closed, and I got a little excited," I'm going to die. I'm going to get a speeding ticket, a ticket for driving with an expired license, I'm going to die, and be poor forever.
"What do you want for dessert?" .......wait what? He was directing this question to Tim?! "What do you want for dessert?" Tim doesn't answer, "C'mon man, it's better than a $400 ticket."
"...uhhhh, I, umm," says Tim. I'm dying. Tim isn't answering the officer and I'm dying!
The officer seemed kind of chill because then he was talking to me all like, "Man, you put a guy on the spot and he can't think of anything."
I'm just just just, "Iiiiiiii know! Come on Tim! We were in theatre together! You were the best at improvs!"
"You guys took theatre?" Mr. Chill Officer asked.
"..yeah," says we.
"Oh, I majored in theatre at SDSU," he said casually.
"NO WAY! Really?!"
"Yeah theatre has been a big part of my family. My mom won best actress in her class along with the guy that plays the original Freddy Krueger," This is unbelieveable.
"Wow, for serious?! That's awesome!" EPIC.
"Alright well you guys take care, have a good night."
"Wait, that's it?! Well alright! Good night!" says I.



THE FIRST TIME I GET PULLED OVER, AND IT WAS BY A FELLOW THESPIAN!!!!

I drove to the store that was still open, ticketless.

Most epic chronicle so far I believe.

School

I'm going back to school this Fall. I just don't know where yet. I'm still in the process of mapping everything out, but I'm feeling really good about it.
I'm going to teach theatre to high school students!
I need to get out of here or I know I'll get stuck in the black hole of not going to school. I want school for me, not for other people.

So here's my super basic outline:

1. Generals this fall.
2. Graduate school in a different country, or a different state.
3. Teaching credentials at an undecided location (I've got a few years to decide that)