Before I die........

I'm in a list mood, but hey, I need to document this list somewhere!

1. Purchase a bonsai

2. Watch the extended versions of all three lord of the rings in one day

3. Go to the hills of lights

4. Get a beverage from starbucks right when it opens - SUCCESS

5. Meet kate winslet, merril streep, johnny depp, sandra bullock, hans zimmer, and tim burton

6. Get one last tattoo, it has to have color

7. Fall in love (cheesey, I know)

8. Have a picnic on a hill in ireland

9. Go to a cafe in england

10. Own a VW bus

11. Get kissed under the mistletoe

12. Play on a beach while it's snowing

13. Learn how to scream

14. See the channel island of Sark

15.

Life Changing Movies

***So I have the list in my head, but just in case I'm involved in some terrible accident that results in memory loss, I want to have some place I can refer to about my list of life-changing movies that is always in progress. ....unless part of my memory loss includes the fact that I have a blog that I still don't know how to decorate and that the only connection this has to the world is the link I put on facebook. THEN [worst case scenario] what if I forget I even have a facebook?! Hopefully my friends aren't involved in a memory loss accident so they can help me remember all of this for me.....

{I'm making this list in the same fashion as my Laws of Life}

Anyways......... in no particular order, here are my life-changing movies:

1. Freedom Writers (questionable)

1. V for Vendetta

2. The Last Samurai

3. Avatar

4. Red Cliff

5. Inception

6. Public Enemies

7. Little Miss Sunshine

8.

Woah

Life's certainly been spicey.
Really good things happened.
Really not-good things happened.
Epic things.
Scary things.
Things I might regret later but don't regret right now.
The Usual!

So I've decided that it sucks hard core when bad things happen. Sucks to be me sometimes, but I have to experience Bad to know what Good feels like.
I have to know what Alone, Loneliness, Melancholy, Crying, and Anger feel like in order to know what Hope, Complete, Twitterpated, and Loved are.

I've also never experienced so much doubt and discouragement in one day.


p.s. I still don't understand blogging world. How the frak do people make theirs look so fancy?!

Throwing In The Towel

Making my own happy ending now.

I Am Not A Robot - Marina and the Diamonds

I'm on a roll.

Two whole posts in the same month since february?! Yes.

Of course I couldn't find something to do right now, so I read my first blogs from february and I noticed I have ten posts for just that month, and only one for the rest of the months until right now!
I've got this idea about my 'laws of life' blog. Once I feel complete about the list I've made, I'll make a blog-a-day about how I came around to learning each rule. I figure it will give me something to write about instead of my spaztic thought process that doesn't make sense to most people.
It has come to my attention that the only info I've leaked about my whereabouts is wayy back in february. the word february looks like it's spelled wrong. who decided to put that awkward R in it? Not the obvious R; the awkward one.

Well here's the not-too-often update about me:
I had to drop my amazing theatre makeup class after midterm.
I didn't want to, but you know how life is.
I haven't had a job for a really long time, but luckily the camps that I'm working at start later this month!
Freaking haven't had a steady income in almost two months.
I did something really crazy two sundays ago.
yup.
BUT I went to the full three hours of church this past sunday with rachael.
For those of you who kind of know me, this hasn't happened in lord knows how long.
I REALLY love my mom a lot, but that's not news.
She had the most beautiful talk with me and rachael. you know those parts in movies where someone says something brilliant and cheesey and the camera always pans over to that one person who's dabbing their eyes with a tissue and says, "that was so beautiful"? WELL we were just covering our faces and burrying our heads in pillows yelling, "oh my gosh that's so beautiful!"
And I really hate money.
If I didn't need it, life would be even more amazing.

"Of course life's a bitch. If it were a slut, it'd be easy."
-latest favorite quote

"i've gotten so much braver, can you tell?
i'm happy.
can't you see i'm alright?
but i miss you------
...where have you been all these years?
how could you just disappear?
and when did you stop,
missing me?"
-latest favorite lyric (brandi carlile: happy)

Half-way dead!

the year is halfway dead now!
and i'm halfway closer to the big TWO ONE (21 years of age).
i've been trying new and exciting things since the last blog. almost life-changing...

ANYWAYS

life has been really great recently, so i'm milking it for all it's worth since it hasn't lasted this long before something bad happens. i have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. they are my Pieces of Happy. i feel like i can sleep good for the first time in a long time because they are THAT amazing.

i'm really bad at this blog stuff. i don't know if i'm supposed to have a theme to everything, or a point? i can't write about my personal details to my life as much as i'd really like to because i've heard too many horror stories about how the info gets discovered by the wrong people.

I feel sloppy not capitalizing the beginning of my sentences.

Glowsticks make me really happy.

These past few months I have decided that judgemental people can just go die a slow and painful death. I had a talk with someone I respect the most, and she concluded that it's worse to gossip/spread rumors/openly JUDGE people, than to just have a glass of wine every now and then.
I completely agree! The wine is just something for you and only you.
But really people? You're lives are so boring and monotonous you just have to talk about someone else's life and draw your own conclusions from barely half of the truth that you know?
All this judgemental stuff effects [(affects?) ..I haven't been in school for a really long time] more than just you and your apparently rising social status. It's someone's LIFE that you are discussing and you don't even know the whole story because you don't have the decency to just back off and give those that are hurting some space until they are ready to come to terms.

I think I found something to talk about now.

Freedom! --for the most part

You know how there's always something that you picture yourself telling the person that makes you feel the most sad/angry/upset/broken hearted/etc..? It's the kind of thing in an alternate universe, or perfect world, where you would have no fear of saying to them. You'd speak your piece to them, verbally slapping them in the face (which feels fantastic), and then you walk away.
In most of the movies i've watched there is that pivotal moment where the leading role speaks up and says enough. But it's always quick, edited, and shortened, for timing purposes and keeping the movie fast paced so as to not lose the attention that audiences seem to lack the span for nowadays. Then usually after that glorious moment, there is a happy ending. The end.

----WAKE UP!----

(rule)

THIS IS REAL LIFE. Unscripted. Not directed. No 8 minute monologues. No rehearsal. No retakes.

It's not as easy as it seems. Of course it looks epic in your head, but REALLY think about it: The opposition isn't going down without a fight, so they are going to have something to argue back with you. They may be listening but they are not going to hear you.
.......and by the way, you only get one shot at saying the right thing (sorry!). Unfortunately, this is something that you are going to replay in your head as you lay in bed at night - while undergoing reoccurring flashbacks of the incident- wondering why it didn't go the way you pictured it.
BUT (you're welcome)*

----UNLESS----
(exception)

You have an out-of-body experience where you pretty much shock yourself with the words that are shooting out of your mouth like those intense machine guns you see in all those epic war movies that make you wish you were a part of the action. You end up saying the things you cry to your friends about. You say the things that you swore on your own life you would never EVER tell that person. Things that make you feel like you're signing your own death warrant, complete with a grand bonus of embarrassment.
BUT (yeah)*



*(good news!)Speaking up for yourself to your opposition/fear gets easier with practice, i promise. It's seriously not hard at all. Start with small things like something a friend said that bothered you. Then work your way up to the big issues that involve stuff like long-term resentment.

Once you conquer these things, you'll want to run/skip/sprint/prance/gallop (clothing optional) through fields of tall grass because you feel so liberated. Speaking up may not solve the issues at hand, but you will sleep better at night knowing you said what you've been dying to say. You will be able to rest your head on your pillow, feeling free of your own thoughts that kept you up until those early hours of the morning
:)